[He's gone and made himself scarce after Jun blew up at him. But once the group's finally dispersed, Lutha actively starts looking for a few people.
Ris wasn't one of them. But he'll stop where he's at when he spots her, jaw tightening as he swallows.
Hm.]
Ris... [It's an awkward callout - he's hesitant to take a step forward, to do much of anything. Whatever she might have been told after he left was out of his control. So he gives her space to run, but doesn't look away.]
[Ris doesn't jump, for once— she saw him coming, and had kind of hoped he'd just keep walking. But he doesn't, and instead calls out to her.
She's still more than a bit sore from how he spoke to her earlier, never mind the confusion around whatever it was Lutha did. And really, she's not much in the mood for yet another stressful conversation-slash-lecture... but avoiding it would just be petty.
Which she is, but not that much. She sighs a little, pushing herself up to standing and making the couple of strides over to him— she knows there's no way he'll hear her at their initial distance. And that's without knowing a damn thing about his hearing issues, she just struggles to raise her voice.]
We can. [Her tone is as even as ever, her expression matching. But any light and warmth she had to her gaze when they first met is conspicuously absent now.] I presume you have something you wish to say, then?
I, uh... I need to apologize. [It's not planned, so the sincerity remains awkward, tumbling over itself.] I... don't think what I wanted to say to you came out right at all, during that meeting. Didn't really realize until stuff got out of hand.
The last thing I wanted was to boss you around, but... it kind of seems like that's all I ended up doing.
[To his best guess, anyway. Regardless of his intention, watching how others had reacted, he'd pretty much wanted to expire on the spot when he realized how off the mark his words had been.]
So... I'm sorry. I don't know how I might have come across, but... it wasn't comfortable, and I should have been careful.
[Ris listens, unmoving, unwavering. One would be forgiven for thinking she were actually a doll for a moment, were it not for the occasional blink.
Once she senses he's done, she responds.]
Let me begin by saying that your apology is accepted.
However.
[Yeah, there was no way this was going to be easy.]
I can accept discomfort. I recognize I am far out of my depth, here, and I know that with learning and growth can sometimes come pain. I hold nothing against you in that regard. I imagine the things I have to say make you just as uncomfortable as they do everyone else, so it seems only fair that I take some in return.
I can just as easily accept being bossed around. You are far from the worst offender I have known in that regard.
And as far as what you said, I will even grant you that you had a point, whether or not I wanted to— want to— accept it.
So for all of that? Consider yourself forgiven.
What bothers me is that you feel as if you can unload on me, demand that I stop feeling "sorry for myself" over a life I have only just escaped... and the second someone else calls you on your own misdoings, you turn and run.
There are many sins I will gladly suffer in silence. Hypocrisy, Master Lutha, is not among them.
[His sigh is drawn out and rough as his hand runs over his face.]
That's not what I meant by that. Fuck.
[will he ever stop fucking up?? The answer is no, apparently!]
Look, I... I know that must have been pathetic.
But that wasn't -- I had to de-escalate that somehow, and removing myself was the only way I could keep from making that shit worse. I -- even if I was pissed at some of the stuff going on, nothing in there deserved me blowing up at anyone, and I knew I was too close to doing that over literally nothing important.
[She just stares at him in silence as he speaks, and the tension in the air must be thick enough to cut with a knife. Still, once he finishes, she sighs a little, closing her eye and folding her arms.]
...I suppose that makes enough sense. Being able to just... walk away as a form of de-escalation is a luxury I have not yet experienced.
[That's not said in a way that indicates it's judgmental. It sounds like it's something she actually hasn't considered. It wasn't a possibility for her before, after all...]
Hm. Well... I want to say that there must be some form of middle ground between what I know and storming off before you bring down the storm upon someone else, but. [Her mouth quirks briefly into something resembling a smile.] For one thing, I am hardly the person to advise on proper social conduct. [Understatement.] And for another...
[She looks up from where her gaze had trailed off to, snapping her gaze back up to him. For someone so small, she really does manage a surprising amount of intensity.]
I can hardly weigh in when it seems I've missed something important.
I heard you saying that you had already apologized and you were aware what you did was wrong, but I should like to hear what that was from you, directly. Blademaster Sooga has already made a point of deceiving me once, so I would rather know your side of the story than his.
[Not that whatever he has to say will make racism suddenly okay, Ris knows better than that. But clearly, whatever happened is still a major point of contention, and she can hardly try to make plans without knowing where the trip wires are.]
this is the only tag I've gotten in like four days bc holidays, no worries
[His lips thin, hand hooking against his hip as his dark eyes break from that intense gaze, instead mulling in thought towards an unfocused spot on the ground. To stubbornly defend himself on all points takes so much effort to reel back, and there's a visible, almost exhausted brace for her demanding what everyone else has demanded from this whole mess.
But she doesn't. And though it seems she doesn't trust Sooga, Lutha knows better than to assume that will last if he tells the truth.
He stays silent for another long moment. When he finally opens his mouth, his bravado has simmered down, an awkward lilt to his phrasing as he has to sincerely think over what he says.]
I cornered him and belittled him a couple months ago. I gave some... half-assed excuse at the time, but it was for no reason other than how he looked. Implied that he was untrustworthy, and that the camp of hilichurls that he was trying to communicate with wasn't worth our time, considering how savage they keep ending up being towards us.
I wasn't there to understand him. I just-- I decided to color him poorly without ever talking to him, and dug him into the ground with what I said, just to... I don't know. To make myself feel better about something that didn't even exist.
[So, you know. Stupid reasons. His mind still screams for their validity out of habit, but he has to stick with facts, with what he knows that Elliot and Rean and Sooga have all been correct about.]
Sooga threw me out into the ocean. A couple people bothered to fish me out before I drowned, but when they heard what happened... you know. Got punched in the face a couple times. Had plenty of lectures. [He just gives a vague sort of gesture off towards where their meeting had been held.] Stupid fights like what happened back there. I don't expect it'll stop.
The Yiga didn't forgive me. But I still apologized, and we heard one another out. Unless I try to change somewhat, I don't think forgiveness is an option. [His expression sours a bit - thankfully, palapably, not towards Ris, as there's no malice in his eyes.] But that's between myself and him. Not Jun. He can be angry all he wants about my mistakes, but I'd rather keep my hurt of one person from being more of a public spectacle than it already is.
[And once again, Ris is just dead-quiet while she hears him out, although at least this time she lets her gaze travel elsewhere. She's not quite so socially-dense that she can't feel his discomfort, and the least she can offer him is not staring him down like her gaze is the dagger strapped to her hip.
Once he's done, she hums in response, a non-committal sort of noise just to imply that yes, she's heard him, but she continues to look away from him as she thinks.]
...In a sense, I can almost understand where you came from. [It's probably not the response he expects, but it's honest.] Naturally, I cannot condone tearing people down on their looks or their heritage alone... but lashing out simply to make yourself feel better? Well.
[She looks back at him, now, and her gaze isn't nearly as intense. In a way, it's got a hint of warmth to it.]
That is precisely why I told you not to mistake me for a good person.
The vengeance I would have sought, had the General not turned out to be a reasonable individual, is for that purpose and that alone. Never mind the smaller ways I have been attacking the lot of you from the start, Master Lutha.
[If it wasn't already clear what she was doing with that, she's practically putting it up in neon lights now.
She doesn't know if she'll keep it up with Lutha, after this, but if he's being honest with her, she may as well do the same. She has nothing left to hide.]
But I have no right to judge nor exonerate you. Forgiveness stands between you and the Blademaster, after all, as you have said. Although... I suppose that leaves one final question, for my own purposes of understanding.
The sour bite to his gaze lifts, very slowly, leaving a very hesitant relief held back behind his somber mood.]
I can't say I'm any damn good at it so far. {It's muttered, but he clears his throat before continuing.] ...Yeah. That's my intention. I made promises I don't want to break.
As for you?
You're not really a good or a bad person unless you show something to prove that one way or another to someone. Vengeance doesn't change that much. Good people can thirst for blood just as much as those of us who would consider ourselves garbage for it.
As far as I'm concerned, you're alive and competent. Just need to get your focus out of what you've done a little and get it onto what you can do now. [...] What you can do that won't ruin hundreds or thousands of lives in the process, maybe. That's all.
[A pause, in which his expression falls flat with a crossing of his arms, though there's a lack of the bitterness that normally accompanies his sarcasm.]
Oi. And stop calling me "Master". You're practically shoving salt into the wound at this point.
[At his light little bite back at her, Ris actually laughs.]
Ehehe... sorry, sorry~. [She is not even the slightest bit sorry. Still, when she continues, it's a little gentler.] The intention was not to attack you further, Lutha, I assure you. [Dropping the title as easily as breathing.] It was simply done to prove a point about my own nature.
As far as yours is concerned... I have no reason to hold your actions against you so long as you've resolved to change. And I do know well how difficult that can be.
[She pauses, looking away, and the smile on her face is a little more rueful when she continues.]
It would seem we both have many ways in which we can learn and grow. Change... perhaps for the better.
My focus, for now, is to support this group as best as I am able, in order to achieve Lord Forneus' goal. And in that endeavor... [She does now look back to him, although she doesn't turn her head fully back.] I am more than happy to support you in your growth, if you'll have me by your side. And if you will be so kind to support me, as well.
[There's a sharp exhale through his nose as the ends of his lips quirk up, just for a second. Damn, if this girl doesn't remind him just a little too much of Tabitha.]
No offense taken. You wouldn't have known it's not exactly new.
[He doesn't expand on that statement, instead staying silent as she continues, watching her expression turn inward and withdrawn. He expects some sort of stakes, boundaries drawn. What she gives is far too understanding, more lenient than he's been given, and his surprise shows naked on his face by the time she looks back at him, his eyes wide.
He stutters nonsensically for a moment as his eyes rip away, face coloring just slightly in a red that blossoms up to his ears.]
I... uh...
[words? words. he knows words spirits open your stupid mouth]
O--- of course. L-like I said, it's not... like you've done anything that would take something like that away from you. And it's not like someone like me has any right to change that. The least I can do is make sure you have the chance to show what you want to do for everyone, right?
[Oh? That's an interesting statement, and one she'll be commenting on soon. For now, she just turns fully back to him, tilting her head a little at it, and—
Oh, wow. Ris always plans her words very carefully— she's always had to, always trying to make sure she knows what sort of reaction she's getting herself into. It was a way to stay safe, after all. So Ris absolutely did not expect that Lutha would become a stammering mess at what she said, and her expression absolutely betrays her surprise briefly despite her best attempts to keep herself under control.]
[But... well, it's kind of cute, in a way? It's certainly not a bad thing. If anything, she's once again reminded of herself, of how she finds herself acting around the one who's been kindest to her so far.]
...ehehe.
I would not have made the offer if I did not intend to follow through. My trust is not something I offer lightly, nor with the intent to withdraw. So of course I'll let you.
"I'll watch your back if you watch mine." That's the phrasing, right?
[She offers him a warm smile, a genuine one, before tilting her head a little again.]
But— and do excuse me for prodding, you are welcome to tell me if I am out of line— you did make an interesting little comment, there. "It is not exactly new."
Am I to take that to mean you were someone of... mm, let's go with "noble heritage" in your own world?
[That's not really a thing where she's from, so it definitely sounds like she's not taking the term too seriously.]
[Can whatever gods are left in celestia just smite him where he stands already
He gives her first response a moment, his nod hesitant in starting but firm enough in motion.]
M-mn. Mutual support. It makes enough sense.
[Ah, but she caught that.
He blows out another breath, having to swallow the mix of embarrassment and straight up exhaustion that bubbles up at the question. Spirits, he's been so used to lying about this...]
Not "was". I still am. [...] Or... I guess I will be, soon enough. It's complicated.
It's not something I like to share, given... uh. You know. [Just gestures at all of himself. He is a racoon of a man covered in scars and missing a couple parts of his body, this does not scream of culture and he is very aware.] But... mmn, damn it, how do I put this...
It's not been a priority for me for a hell of a long time. Enough that I definitely haven't heard anyone call me any kind of uppity-ass title.
...
Those that did tended to be those that looked like the Yiga.
[It is hard not to just. Keep giggling at all of this. How else can she react, really? It's partly just a defense mechanism, because the idea that anyone would get flustered over her, for any reason whatsoever, is just beyond her.
But she knows well that it would not only be rude, but also likely push Lutha away, so she manages to suppress it well enough for now, and instead just has to wrestle her smile back under control to hear him out.
It's easy enough to do once he gets started, anyway. It's a sobering situation to hear out, after all. And... well, yeah, he has a point about him looking like an absolute trash panda, to which she just nods a little, but other than that she just looks thoughtful about the whole thing.]
I see. There are layers to that incident, to be sure. Still... you're wrong. It is "was," so long as we are here.
It's interesting, you know? Here in Teyvat, all of us travelers are equals.
You were a noble man, and I was but a scientist's lab rat. I was a living doll to him, to use however he saw fit. For his acquaintances to use however they saw fit. [He can take that as he will, because she's just moving right along.] I was the lowest of the low, and from where I was standing, there was never going to be any way up. It's doubtful you would have ever made your way into that man's circle anyway, but if you somehow had, I would not have been permitted to so much as speak to you without you first instructing me to.
But here... you and I are peers. I don't have to listen to a single damn word you have to say to me unless I see fit. And you have no power, here, aside from that which Lord Forneus has granted us.
[She pauses, briefly, before her lips quirk into a smile and she fishes her Vision out of her pocket, showing it to him. A deep blue crystal, Hydro.]
And, I suppose, even in that sense, you and I are opposites. [She puts it back, straightening out her skirt a little before continuing.] But, regardless.
You said it yourself, did you not? We cannot focus on who we were. Only who we are right now.
[It's not entirely wrong, and he keeps very carefully quiet as she opens up, a frigid sort of sorrow firming up his expression. It's not his sister he sees in the reflections of this conversation, no, but the silver hair of a girl she favored so much, behind prison bars with ears tinged black, waiting for her turn to die.
It makes his stomach turn, at the irony of it. That he'd been that person, looking that way, towards someone whose only crime had been being born the way they were.]
Mn. I can't say it's what's most different about home, but...
Right now, even at home, I'm still a street rat. Even for someone like Sooga, who I'd have considered my subordinate... right now, I'd be under his foot without much thought. People that end up like me don't get to hold power. I just created a hole that needs to be filled. Didn't think it would be by me.
[He gives an awkward sort of shrug, his only hand toying at the Pyro vision at his hip.]
So... you know. Don't shove me into that circle in your thoughts like I'm some rich asshole that's only in it for the curiosity or fortune or... whatever it was that might have turned them into fucking monsters towards you. That's not the kind of people that belong at the reigns, anyway, the bastards. [His hand grips tight against his Vision, the redhead taking a deep breath before continuing.]
If you decide to hate me, I'd rather earn it by being an idiot in my own regard and not off the bloodied backs of some rich old shitheads, anyway. [Judgement as a peer to peer, who'd call him an idiot, rather than as a tool with no say of sorts to someone in power.]
I cannot say I know much about how the world outside of my little cage worked, back where I came from.
[Pointedly, not "home."]
But from what I have read, it is similar, in a sense. Those without power do not often claim it. People protest, of course. They try to fight for themselves, try to change their lot for the better. And sometimes, the books even make it sound like they succeed. But it is often in very small ways, over large swaths of time.
I can only imagine the same is true of many other worlds... even this one.
[But that's not the point here, really, as much as she enjoys talking about the books she's read.]
I do not so much as pretend to understand what went through the heads of my former "master" and his lot. [She shrugs a little at that.] But I can tell you that I do not intend to lump you in among his kind just because of what you were, or what you will be back in your home land.
You and I are equals, here. And if you decide to make a fool of yourself, I fully intend to tell you as much, going forward. After all, is that not a part of our little arrangement?
[She smiles, all too innocently for how she's basically teasing him now.]
How can I possibly be expected to look out for you if I can't rein you in when you go and get yourself into trouble~?
[Teasing = congrats, this is the easiest and most predictable way to get an instant, embarrassed rise out of him even in the middle of an otherwise touching tangent.]
O-oi, oi, I'm not some sort of wild mutt. Don't get any crazy ideas.
It's not like I'm going to be any easier on you, either. If you keep talking like you're not any good of a person, then you're just setting yourself up to not get any better. So I'm going to remind you to not be such a dumbass to yourself if I have to, got it??
[She laughs, but she does at least take the next part more seriously. Still smiling, though.]
Ehe. But regardless— yes, yes, I understand. I'll do my best and try to be better... and to try not to force your hand such that you have to deliver such reminders.
[She's quiet for a moment, then adds one more thought.]
Thank you. For looking after me, and for caring enough to come sort things out.
[STOP THAT BRIGHT A SMILE MAKES HIM FEEL BOTH UNBELIEVABLY EMBARRASSED AND UNFORTUNATELY SAD]
Y-yeah, well. It's not like I'm going to get anywhere with any sort of promises if the only thing I do is run away.
[...]
...You're welcome. [Don't say thanks out loud, someone might hear and he'll have to run like a scared little weasel!!!!!!] It's... kind of suffocating, not having anybody that gets you. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I hope it's something you can find in somebody around here. You sound like you've got plenty of people that want to help you, so... [He sniffs a bit, rubbing at his jaw with his palm.] Least I could do is try to not make it worse on you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
christens ur inbox with probably a disaster
Ris wasn't one of them. But he'll stop where he's at when he spots her, jaw tightening as he swallows.
Hm.]
Ris... [It's an awkward callout - he's hesitant to take a step forward, to do much of anything. Whatever she might have been told after he left was out of his control. So he gives her space to run, but doesn't look away.]
Hey. Can we talk?
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She's still more than a bit sore from how he spoke to her earlier, never mind the confusion around whatever it was Lutha did. And really, she's not much in the mood for yet another stressful conversation-slash-lecture... but avoiding it would just be petty.
Which she is, but not that much. She sighs a little, pushing herself up to standing and making the couple of strides over to him— she knows there's no way he'll hear her at their initial distance. And that's without knowing a damn thing about his hearing issues, she just struggles to raise her voice.]
We can. [Her tone is as even as ever, her expression matching. But any light and warmth she had to her gaze when they first met is conspicuously absent now.] I presume you have something you wish to say, then?
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I, uh... I need to apologize. [It's not planned, so the sincerity remains awkward, tumbling over itself.] I... don't think what I wanted to say to you came out right at all, during that meeting. Didn't really realize until stuff got out of hand.
The last thing I wanted was to boss you around, but... it kind of seems like that's all I ended up doing.
[To his best guess, anyway. Regardless of his intention, watching how others had reacted, he'd pretty much wanted to expire on the spot when he realized how off the mark his words had been.]
So... I'm sorry. I don't know how I might have come across, but... it wasn't comfortable, and I should have been careful.
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Once she senses he's done, she responds.]
Let me begin by saying that your apology is accepted.
However.
[Yeah, there was no way this was going to be easy.]
I can accept discomfort. I recognize I am far out of my depth, here, and I know that with learning and growth can sometimes come pain. I hold nothing against you in that regard. I imagine the things I have to say make you just as uncomfortable as they do everyone else, so it seems only fair that I take some in return.
I can just as easily accept being bossed around. You are far from the worst offender I have known in that regard.
And as far as what you said, I will even grant you that you had a point, whether or not I wanted to— want to— accept it.
So for all of that? Consider yourself forgiven.
What bothers me is that you feel as if you can unload on me, demand that I stop feeling "sorry for myself" over a life I have only just escaped... and the second someone else calls you on your own misdoings, you turn and run.
There are many sins I will gladly suffer in silence. Hypocrisy, Master Lutha, is not among them.
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[His sigh is drawn out and rough as his hand runs over his face.]
That's not what I meant by that. Fuck.
[will he ever stop fucking up?? The answer is no, apparently!]
Look, I... I know that must have been pathetic.
But that wasn't -- I had to de-escalate that somehow, and removing myself was the only way I could keep from making that shit worse. I -- even if I was pissed at some of the stuff going on, nothing in there deserved me blowing up at anyone, and I knew I was too close to doing that over literally nothing important.
waddles back in apologetically
...I suppose that makes enough sense. Being able to just... walk away as a form of de-escalation is a luxury I have not yet experienced.
[That's not said in a way that indicates it's judgmental. It sounds like it's something she actually hasn't considered. It wasn't a possibility for her before, after all...]
Hm. Well... I want to say that there must be some form of middle ground between what I know and storming off before you bring down the storm upon someone else, but. [Her mouth quirks briefly into something resembling a smile.] For one thing, I am hardly the person to advise on proper social conduct. [Understatement.] And for another...
[She looks up from where her gaze had trailed off to, snapping her gaze back up to him. For someone so small, she really does manage a surprising amount of intensity.]
I can hardly weigh in when it seems I've missed something important.
I heard you saying that you had already apologized and you were aware what you did was wrong, but I should like to hear what that was from you, directly. Blademaster Sooga has already made a point of deceiving me once, so I would rather know your side of the story than his.
[Not that whatever he has to say will make racism suddenly okay, Ris knows better than that. But clearly, whatever happened is still a major point of contention, and she can hardly try to make plans without knowing where the trip wires are.]
this is the only tag I've gotten in like four days bc holidays, no worries
But she doesn't. And though it seems she doesn't trust Sooga, Lutha knows better than to assume that will last if he tells the truth.
He stays silent for another long moment. When he finally opens his mouth, his bravado has simmered down, an awkward lilt to his phrasing as he has to sincerely think over what he says.]
I cornered him and belittled him a couple months ago. I gave some... half-assed excuse at the time, but it was for no reason other than how he looked. Implied that he was untrustworthy, and that the camp of hilichurls that he was trying to communicate with wasn't worth our time, considering how savage they keep ending up being towards us.
I wasn't there to understand him. I just-- I decided to color him poorly without ever talking to him, and dug him into the ground with what I said, just to... I don't know. To make myself feel better about something that didn't even exist.
[So, you know. Stupid reasons. His mind still screams for their validity out of habit, but he has to stick with facts, with what he knows that Elliot and Rean and Sooga have all been correct about.]
Sooga threw me out into the ocean. A couple people bothered to fish me out before I drowned, but when they heard what happened... you know. Got punched in the face a couple times. Had plenty of lectures. [He just gives a vague sort of gesture off towards where their meeting had been held.] Stupid fights like what happened back there. I don't expect it'll stop.
The Yiga didn't forgive me. But I still apologized, and we heard one another out. Unless I try to change somewhat, I don't think forgiveness is an option. [His expression sours a bit - thankfully, palapably, not towards Ris, as there's no malice in his eyes.] But that's between myself and him. Not Jun. He can be angry all he wants about my mistakes, but I'd rather keep my hurt of one person from being more of a public spectacle than it already is.
no subject
Once he's done, she hums in response, a non-committal sort of noise just to imply that yes, she's heard him, but she continues to look away from him as she thinks.]
...In a sense, I can almost understand where you came from. [It's probably not the response he expects, but it's honest.] Naturally, I cannot condone tearing people down on their looks or their heritage alone... but lashing out simply to make yourself feel better? Well.
[She looks back at him, now, and her gaze isn't nearly as intense. In a way, it's got a hint of warmth to it.]
That is precisely why I told you not to mistake me for a good person.
The vengeance I would have sought, had the General not turned out to be a reasonable individual, is for that purpose and that alone. Never mind the smaller ways I have been attacking the lot of you from the start, Master Lutha.
[If it wasn't already clear what she was doing with that, she's practically putting it up in neon lights now.
She doesn't know if she'll keep it up with Lutha, after this, but if he's being honest with her, she may as well do the same. She has nothing left to hide.]
But I have no right to judge nor exonerate you. Forgiveness stands between you and the Blademaster, after all, as you have said. Although... I suppose that leaves one final question, for my own purposes of understanding.
Do you intend to try to change?
no subject
The sour bite to his gaze lifts, very slowly, leaving a very hesitant relief held back behind his somber mood.]
I can't say I'm any damn good at it so far. {It's muttered, but he clears his throat before continuing.] ...Yeah. That's my intention. I made promises I don't want to break.
As for you?
You're not really a good or a bad person unless you show something to prove that one way or another to someone. Vengeance doesn't change that much. Good people can thirst for blood just as much as those of us who would consider ourselves garbage for it.
As far as I'm concerned, you're alive and competent. Just need to get your focus out of what you've done a little and get it onto what you can do now. [...] What you can do that won't ruin hundreds or thousands of lives in the process, maybe. That's all.
[A pause, in which his expression falls flat with a crossing of his arms, though there's a lack of the bitterness that normally accompanies his sarcasm.]
Oi. And stop calling me "Master". You're practically shoving salt into the wound at this point.
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Ehehe... sorry, sorry~. [She is not even the slightest bit sorry. Still, when she continues, it's a little gentler.] The intention was not to attack you further, Lutha, I assure you. [Dropping the title as easily as breathing.] It was simply done to prove a point about my own nature.
As far as yours is concerned... I have no reason to hold your actions against you so long as you've resolved to change. And I do know well how difficult that can be.
[She pauses, looking away, and the smile on her face is a little more rueful when she continues.]
It would seem we both have many ways in which we can learn and grow. Change... perhaps for the better.
My focus, for now, is to support this group as best as I am able, in order to achieve Lord Forneus' goal. And in that endeavor... [She does now look back to him, although she doesn't turn her head fully back.] I am more than happy to support you in your growth, if you'll have me by your side. And if you will be so kind to support me, as well.
no subject
No offense taken. You wouldn't have known it's not exactly new.
[He doesn't expand on that statement, instead staying silent as she continues, watching her expression turn inward and withdrawn. He expects some sort of stakes, boundaries drawn. What she gives is far too understanding, more lenient than he's been given, and his surprise shows naked on his face by the time she looks back at him, his eyes wide.
He stutters nonsensically for a moment as his eyes rip away, face coloring just slightly in a red that blossoms up to his ears.]
I... uh...
[words? words. he knows words spirits open your stupid mouth]
O--- of course. L-like I said, it's not... like you've done anything that would take something like that away from you. And it's not like someone like me has any right to change that. The least I can do is make sure you have the chance to show what you want to do for everyone, right?
[TIME TO CLEAR HIS THROAT]
If... you'll let me, I mean.
1/2
Oh, wow. Ris always plans her words very carefully— she's always had to, always trying to make sure she knows what sort of reaction she's getting herself into. It was a way to stay safe, after all. So Ris absolutely did not expect that Lutha would become a stammering mess at what she said, and her expression absolutely betrays her surprise briefly despite her best attempts to keep herself under control.]
2/2
...ehehe.
I would not have made the offer if I did not intend to follow through. My trust is not something I offer lightly, nor with the intent to withdraw. So of course I'll let you.
"I'll watch your back if you watch mine." That's the phrasing, right?
[She offers him a warm smile, a genuine one, before tilting her head a little again.]
But— and do excuse me for prodding, you are welcome to tell me if I am out of line— you did make an interesting little comment, there. "It is not exactly new."
Am I to take that to mean you were someone of... mm, let's go with "noble heritage" in your own world?
[That's not really a thing where she's from, so it definitely sounds like she's not taking the term too seriously.]
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He gives her first response a moment, his nod hesitant in starting but firm enough in motion.]
M-mn. Mutual support. It makes enough sense.
[Ah, but she caught that.
He blows out another breath, having to swallow the mix of embarrassment and straight up exhaustion that bubbles up at the question. Spirits, he's been so used to lying about this...]
Not "was". I still am. [...] Or... I guess I will be, soon enough. It's complicated.
It's not something I like to share, given... uh. You know. [Just gestures at all of himself. He is a racoon of a man covered in scars and missing a couple parts of his body, this does not scream of culture and he is very aware.] But... mmn, damn it, how do I put this...
It's not been a priority for me for a hell of a long time. Enough that I definitely haven't heard anyone call me any kind of uppity-ass title.
...
Those that did tended to be those that looked like the Yiga.
no subject
But she knows well that it would not only be rude, but also likely push Lutha away, so she manages to suppress it well enough for now, and instead just has to wrestle her smile back under control to hear him out.
It's easy enough to do once he gets started, anyway. It's a sobering situation to hear out, after all. And... well, yeah, he has a point about him looking like an absolute trash panda, to which she just nods a little, but other than that she just looks thoughtful about the whole thing.]
I see. There are layers to that incident, to be sure. Still... you're wrong. It is "was," so long as we are here.
It's interesting, you know? Here in Teyvat, all of us travelers are equals.
You were a noble man, and I was but a scientist's lab rat. I was a living doll to him, to use however he saw fit. For his acquaintances to use however they saw fit. [He can take that as he will, because she's just moving right along.] I was the lowest of the low, and from where I was standing, there was never going to be any way up. It's doubtful you would have ever made your way into that man's circle anyway, but if you somehow had, I would not have been permitted to so much as speak to you without you first instructing me to.
But here... you and I are peers. I don't have to listen to a single damn word you have to say to me unless I see fit. And you have no power, here, aside from that which Lord Forneus has granted us.
[She pauses, briefly, before her lips quirk into a smile and she fishes her Vision out of her pocket, showing it to him. A deep blue crystal, Hydro.]
And, I suppose, even in that sense, you and I are opposites. [She puts it back, straightening out her skirt a little before continuing.] But, regardless.
You said it yourself, did you not? We cannot focus on who we were. Only who we are right now.
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It makes his stomach turn, at the irony of it. That he'd been that person, looking that way, towards someone whose only crime had been being born the way they were.]
Mn. I can't say it's what's most different about home, but...
Right now, even at home, I'm still a street rat. Even for someone like Sooga, who I'd have considered my subordinate... right now, I'd be under his foot without much thought. People that end up like me don't get to hold power. I just created a hole that needs to be filled. Didn't think it would be by me.
[He gives an awkward sort of shrug, his only hand toying at the Pyro vision at his hip.]
So... you know. Don't shove me into that circle in your thoughts like I'm some rich asshole that's only in it for the curiosity or fortune or... whatever it was that might have turned them into fucking monsters towards you. That's not the kind of people that belong at the reigns, anyway, the bastards. [His hand grips tight against his Vision, the redhead taking a deep breath before continuing.]
If you decide to hate me, I'd rather earn it by being an idiot in my own regard and not off the bloodied backs of some rich old shitheads, anyway. [Judgement as a peer to peer, who'd call him an idiot, rather than as a tool with no say of sorts to someone in power.]
no subject
[Pointedly, not "home."]
But from what I have read, it is similar, in a sense. Those without power do not often claim it. People protest, of course. They try to fight for themselves, try to change their lot for the better. And sometimes, the books even make it sound like they succeed. But it is often in very small ways, over large swaths of time.
I can only imagine the same is true of many other worlds... even this one.
[But that's not the point here, really, as much as she enjoys talking about the books she's read.]
I do not so much as pretend to understand what went through the heads of my former "master" and his lot. [She shrugs a little at that.] But I can tell you that I do not intend to lump you in among his kind just because of what you were, or what you will be back in your home land.
You and I are equals, here. And if you decide to make a fool of yourself, I fully intend to tell you as much, going forward. After all, is that not a part of our little arrangement?
[She smiles, all too innocently for how she's basically teasing him now.]
How can I possibly be expected to look out for you if I can't rein you in when you go and get yourself into trouble~?
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O-oi, oi, I'm not some sort of wild mutt. Don't get any crazy ideas.
It's not like I'm going to be any easier on you, either. If you keep talking like you're not any good of a person, then you're just setting yourself up to not get any better. So I'm going to remind you to not be such a dumbass to yourself if I have to, got it??
1/2
Hm, I think that might be a matter of opinion~!
2/2
Ehe. But regardless— yes, yes, I understand. I'll do my best and try to be better... and to try not to force your hand such that you have to deliver such reminders.
[She's quiet for a moment, then adds one more thought.]
Thank you. For looking after me, and for caring enough to come sort things out.
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Y-yeah, well. It's not like I'm going to get anywhere with any sort of promises if the only thing I do is run away.
[...]
...You're welcome. [Don't say thanks out loud, someone might hear and he'll have to run like a scared little weasel!!!!!!] It's... kind of suffocating, not having anybody that gets you. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I hope it's something you can find in somebody around here. You sound like you've got plenty of people that want to help you, so... [He sniffs a bit, rubbing at his jaw with his palm.] Least I could do is try to not make it worse on you.